February 6, 2010
Flight attendants seem to have a love-hate relationship with pilots. There’s a reason one of the chapters in my book (a work in progress) is entitled why I want to say no when the answer is yes, yes, yes! But I’ll tell you more about that later, because what I’d like to share with you now is a web site written by a pilot. Move over Jake Pavelka (The Bachelor), there’s a new captain in town. This guy is not your typical pilot blogger, he’s a REALLY funny pilot blogger who goes by the name of JetHead and writes about the world at 30,000 feet at 500mph, tackling interesting topics such as why passengers should not use the first class lavatory to reasons why the passenger bill of rights may not be a good idea. He’s definitely the kind of pilot that flight attendants are going to love. Then again, what can you expect, he married one!
February 4, 2010
Women love pilots. What’s not to like? Even men have a thing for pilots. Think Brad Pitt. He fell in love with one. The word itself conjures up images of Richard Gere (Officer and a Gentleman), Tom Cruise (Top Gun), Leonardo DiCaprio (The Aviator), Andy Garcia (When a Man Loves a Woman), John Travolta (pilots his own 707), and Jake Pavelka.
Jake Pavelka?
Jake Pavelka. Ya know, The Bachelor this season. Rumor has it he’s a Captain for ASA.
It’s true. I really do watch reality TV. I wish I could tell you the reason for this is because I’m a flight attendant and flight attendants have erratic schedules which makes it nearly impossible to keep up with regular sitcoms, but you’d probably mention something about TiVo and then I’d have to admit I already have it, which pretty much ruins that excuse. The simple fact is I enjoy bad TV. I crave drama, even though I refuse to work the New York – Miami route, and that’s why I hope Vienna and Ali continue to stay in the running.
I like Jake. He seems like a nice guy. This is why I’m afraid he may be in over his head. The women have been fawning all over him. I don’t blame them. He’s a handsome pilot who looks dreamy dressed in a tux! But that tuxedo got me thinking. Would they have given him a second glance if they’d seen him say passing through the lobby of a hotel – not dressed in his uniform, nor in a wardrobe chosen by a professional stylist for a popular television show, but in his (gasp) “layover clothes?” If you’re a flight attendant, you know exactly what I’m talking about!
Pilots and fashion. I’m not sure you can even use the two words in the same sentence since they go as well together as orange juice and toothpaste. Ask any flight attendant if they can easily spot a pilot in civilian “layover clothes” and they will emphatically say yes. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just saying…
January 30, 2010
Dear Heather,
So the other day I was on a flight from Boston to San Francisco and I thought you might get a kick out of the following conversation that took place between the flight attendant working in first class and the passenger sitting beside me…
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Miss did you get a chance to look at the menu?
PASSENGER: Unfortunately
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: (Pauses. Smiles) Will you be dining with us tonight?
PASSENGER: I don’t like anything on the menu, I mean clam chowder and steak – gross and gross!
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: I’m sorry, but that is all I have tonight.
PASSENGER: I mean, all of us are from California. We don’t like CLAMS or STEAK! I want two portions of salad, the dessert fruit plate as my meal, with still water – not sparkling, and red wine – but not with my nuts, WITH my meal, and NO dessert!
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: (repeats the order) Got it!
PASSENGER: Wait, can I just have almonds? Oh forget it. I’ll pick out what I don’t want.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: (smiles, glances at me) And what will you be having for dinner tonight, Sir?
ME: I’ll have the chowder, please.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: (Big sigh, wink) Thank you!…. (walks away)
Just thought I’d share…
Sincerely,
Ron
(A.K.A. Frequent-flyin-two-timin Ron)
Dear Ron,
Boston – San Francisco? Oh no no no, Ron, you must be confused, because your flight sounds a lot like my flight, only I worked the New York – Seattle route last night. I mean that was you, wasn’t it, sitting behind the first class passenger who wanted “just a little bit” of ice with Diet Coke, the passenger who looked absolutely disgusted when I placed a drink on her tray table with – count em – one, two, three, four cubes swimming around inside the glass? This, of course, resulted in a request for a spoon, ya know, so that she could scoop out two cubes and then drop them into the palm of my hand.
Continue reading GALLEY GOSSIP: SPECIAL REQUESTS, TWO CUBES OF ICE & A MAN’S PAIR OF PANTS
January 29, 2010
Barbie Boot Camp, an excerpt…..
What you pack and whether or not you check it or carry it on can drastically affect the outcome of your trip. Don’t make it more stressful than it has to be. Play it safe and do what flight attendants do. When it comes to preparing for a trip, flight attendants are experts. We travel light with just a rollaboard and a tote bag – and can do so for days at a time! Rolling instead of folding leaves clothes wrinkle free. Outfits are coordinated around footwear – a comfy kick-around pair for exploring the city by day and something dressy for dinner and a show at night. Undies, socks and bikinis, whatever can be wadded up, are housed inside shoes. No space goes unused. To make things simple, pack black and be done with it. So what if we wear the same outfit over and over, that’s what accessories are for! Scarves and jewelry can completely change boring black into something fab. Whatever gets left behind becomes the perfect excuse to go shopping for something new! Or get to know the locals at a Laundromat. What better place to read a guide book or ask around for a great place to eat?
Of course I did not know any of this in 1995 when a FexEx guy handed me an official looking letter from the airline. I’d been waiting for it all week. Immediately I ripped it open and read, Congratulations! My heart began to beat faster. The letter then went on to welcome class twenty-three to flight attendant training – round two in less than a year for me. Upon completing a seven and a half week long course, it read, I, along with two pieces of luggage – wait…did that say, two pieces? I had to go back and read that part again. Oh my. Two pieces. That’s what it said, and it was written in big black bold print so I knew the airline meant business. And if that weren’t bad enough, each bag could not weigh more than eighty pounds and they would both accompany me on an “exciting journey” to a new crew base.
But…but… that kind of sounded like there wouldn’t be any time to go home and repack. How the heck could I possibly whittle my entire life down to 180 pounds when it weighed so much more than that! And did the airline really expect me to memorize not one, not two, but three and a half pages of airport city codes – five hundred of them at least! – before training even began? Not gonna happen. Not when I had so much – er, little – packing to do!
On the closet floor I sat staring up at my clothes. I couldn’t decide what to take. I had no idea what I might need at a crew base that had yet to be assigned. So I ended up doing what any sane twenty-four year old might do. I threw it all in; rubber flips flops and furry snow boots, strapless sundresses and cashmere sweaters, a little black number and a couple of jog bras – ya know, just in case. Once finished, I plopped down on top of a bag and tried…to zip…it shut! But I couldn’t get it closed. Frowning, I imagined myself passing through the pearly gates of the flight academy and being met by a flight instructor who would place my suitcases on an industrial-size scale and either point me in the direction of a customer service training class of some kind or back home to mom and dad. Because that‘s exactly where I‘d end up if I didn‘t make it through. I had to make it through.
January 27, 2010
Flight attendants deal with unruly passengers all the time. How we handle a problem passenger depends on the situation. Most of the time a few simple techniques can be applied to diffuse a situation, but I’ll get to that in a moment. Because sometimes, every once in awhile, we have no choice but to involve law enforcement – not just for our safety, but for the comfort and safety of passengers on board. What kind of behavior could possibly result in an arrest? The following scenarios actually took place in flight and are a few examples of what not to do on an airplane.
THE GROPER: When I first started flying, a big wig studio executive sitting in first class from New York to Los Angeles walked into the business class galley and pinched my you-know-what in front of three coworkers. Shocked, we all just stood there trying to comprehend what had just happened. That’s when Mr. Big Wig actually did it again.
THE FIGHTER: A young woman dressed suggestively wandered around the coach cabin talking to several different male passengers. Later on we learned she had asked each one of them to buy her an alcoholic beverage. After they refused, she finally came back to the galley and requested a beer. The flight attendant refused to serve her since she appeared to be a minor. The passenger responded by punching the flight attendant in the face.
THE FLASHER: A passenger stood inside the lavatory with his pants down around his ankles. Whenever he’d hear someone pass by, he’d push the accordion door open and quickly expose himself.
Here’s a tip: If you wouldn’t do it at your mama’s house, don’t do it on the airplane.
Continue reading GALLEY GOSSIP: 5 WAYS FLIGHT ATTENDANTS HANDLE DIFFICULT PASSENGERS
January 25, 2010
Hello Heather,
I was searching for some info a while back and ended up on your website. A gentleman by the name of Ron inquired if there were any gay pilots. Yes, there are gay pilots, for which I belong to “the club”. I fly for a major carrier. I apologize for not taking the initiative or opportunity to assist Ron sooner. There is a gay organization called the National Gay Pilot’s Association, which I am on the board of directors. We had a convention in Palm Springs this weekend. I feel bad that I’ve been so busy that I was unable to invite him. The organization is not limited to pilots. We welcome anyone interested in flying. We have pilots, both commercial, and private; flight attendants, air traffic controllers, and Flight Service members; mechanics, sky divers, instructors, and those that are not pilots but just interested in flying, AND all of the above partners. It’s a great group. Anyone can check out our website, which is in the process of being updated, at ngpa.org.
All the best,
Gregg
Dear Gregg,
Heather
Flight attendants seem to have a love-hate relationship with pilots. There’s a reason one of the chapters in my book (a work in progress) is entitled why I want to say no when the answer is yes, yes, yes! But I’ll tell you more about that later, because what I’d like to share with you now is a web site written by a pilot. Move over Jake Pavelka (The Bachelor), there’s a new captain in town. This guy is not your typical pilot blogger, he’s a REALLY funny pilot blogger who goes by the name of JetHead and writes about the world at 30,000 feet at 500mph, tackling interesting topics such as why passengers should not use the first class lavatory to reasons why the passenger bill of rights may not be a good idea. He’s definitely the kind of pilot that flight attendants are going to love. Then again, what can you expect, he married one! 
