Category Archives: flight attendant

A question about the flight attendant sexual fantasy

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Dear Heather,

I love your blog……and just wanted to say hi.  I know you’re married and don’t fly routes down to Florida, so I guess I’ll have to find another way to fulfill my “flight attendant sex fantasies” but reading your blog is fun anyway.  If I’m wrong (and you visit/play) or have friends who do, please let me know.  ;-)

Ron

Dear Ron,

I really am glad you enjoy reading my blog.   But as for the flight attendant fantasy/play-thing…well…to be quite honest, Ron, I’m speechless.  My husband, on the other hand, not so speechless, which is why we won’t be sharing this with him.  What I will share with you is this.  There are just a few words that skeeve me out when used by grown  men - PANTIES and PLAY are two of them.  I’m just saying…    

“Wanna know what skeeves me out,” said my mother who is also a flight attendant when I read to her what I was writing to you.  “Paris Hilton,” she said, and when she said this she said it very seriously. 

And there you have it Ron.   There will be absolutely no playing, panties, or Paris anytime soon!  But hey, that’s just me.  And my mom.  I can’t speak for other flight attendants.    

Happy travels,

Heather      

 

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Filed under Airlines, Airplane, flight attendant, Hooking Up, Layover, Stewardess, Uncategorized

Cell phones on the airplane

Recently on Twitter.com Times Travel asked me who I thought the worst type of passenger was. I wrote, “a business class passenger who does not get an upgrade and ends up in coach.”

But not all business class passengers who end up in coach are bad. In fact, business class passengers are actually my favorite passengers. They know the drill. They know exactly what to expect. So there’s no “on my last flight…” or “what do you mean there aren’t any magazines or pillows?”

The truth is the worst type of passenger is the kind of passenger who thinks he/she travels often, but in reality he/she only travels a few times a year, which isn’t really all that often, not compared to frequent fliers today. Yet they have no problem letting me know just how often they fly (which isn’t all that often) when they’re doing something they shouldn’t be doing, something a frequent flier knows not to do, like use a cell phone after the flight attendant has made the announcement that it’s time to turn off and stow all electronic devices.

The following scenario actually took place on board one of my flights…

We’re on the tarmac in Chicago and the flight attendant is walking down the aisle while the safety video is on and she sees a passenger on his cell phone talking and says, “Sir, you need to turn your cell phone off!”

He tells whomever he’s talking to on the phone to hold on a minute, and then he covers the mouthpiece with his hand and asks the flight attendant, “what flight number is this?”

Shaking her head, the flight attendant says, “Sir, you can’t be on your phone right now! The safety video is on. You need to turn it off.” She points to the video monitor and it’s at that part where the guy in the suit reaches up and grabs the oxygen mask and places it over his nose and mouth, looking way too relaxed for a guy who has just placed an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth because he’s probably going through a decompression or something and should probably be hyperventilating along with the rest of us.

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Filed under Airline, Airplane, business traveler, cell phones, Dating passengers, electronic devices, flight attendant, frequent flier, plane, Safety, Safety Demo, Times Travel, Twitter

Southwest Airlines, AirTran Airways, and other airlines who may be hiring

Dear Heather,

I was hired with Southwest Airlines earlier in the year, but I was informed today that Southwest will no longer be having any training classes in 2009. Now I’m going to try for AirTran Airways. I had an interview and told them I successfully interviewed with Southwest Airlines last August however they aren’t having any training in 2009 and I’m ready to move forward with my flight attendant career. I hope it doesn’t hurt me that I told them that. What do you think?

Leesa

Dear Leesa,

Southwest is an amazing airline. People absolutely love them, passengers and crew alike. I mean what’s not to love about an airline that treats their employees like family, an airline that knows how to have fun, and more importantly, an airline that can lay claim to employing the rapping flight attendant (whom I’ll be interviewing soon!) Many years ago I wanted to work for Southwest Airlines, and always thought that I would work for Southwest, and even got a letter inviting me to interview for them, but then the airline I currently work for hired me first. Obviously I’m a huge fan of Southwest, even when I wind up in group C. The fact that you got hired to be apart of their family says a lot about you!

I’m sure you’re extremely disappointed about the training class being cancelled. I know I would be. So I logged onto twitter.com (click here to follow me on twitter) and sent a quick tweet to Southwest Airlines. I asked them if you’d be called back when classes resume or if you’d have to go through the interview process again. Five seconds later Southwest responded, “Yes, unfortunately she will have to go back through the interview process again.”

Honestly, I’m sure you’ll have no problem impressing them twice. That said, I also think that moving forward and interviewing with AirTran Airways was a great idea! Don’t worry about telling AirTran about Southwest, I’m sure that’ll only make them want you more knowing that an airline with an amazing reputation already showed interest in you.

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Filed under Airlines, AirTran Airways, flight attendant, hiring, Southwest Airlines

Swine flu on the airplane (a few things you can do)


Today I’m flying from Los Angeles to New York to start my reserve rotation for May. I’m bringing my son along with me. He’s two. Because my husband travels on business often and I’ll be on-call, my son will be spending eight days with grandma and grandpa. Oh sure I’ll take the train out to see him in-between trips. That’s not the problem. The problem is with all this talk about swine flu, I can’t help but be a little nervous, not for me, but for him!

We’ll be traveling by plane and in New York where 75 people in Queens were recently diagnosed with the disease. Did I happen to mention my crashpad is in Queens? I’ll have zero control over where I’m going and how long I’ll be there. When I voiced my concerns, here’s what a few of my friends had to say…

“Heather, I think there’s a Mexico City layover with your name all over it! Hee, hee!”

“Don’t think you have to go to Mexico, Mexico will come to you. Start a new trend, nothing is hotter than a flight attendant with a Michael Jackson mask on! If you rock the body condom from the movie Naked Gun, I want to be there!”

“Every time I wake up in the MEX layover hotel I breathe a sigh of relief that I wasn’t crushed in an earthquake overnight. Now if I can just not breathe while down there . . .”

“The only other thing you need besides a diagnosis is a company that’s not completely irrational and predatory about sick leave use. The company has denied me sick time, garnished pay for the days missed, and said to the union, “grieve it,” which is a years-long process.”

So what am I, the flight attendant, required to do if I see a passenger who may be exhibiting swine flu like symptoms?

Click here to go to GALLEY GOSSIP:SWINE FLU ON THE PLANE and find out!

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Filed under Airlines, Airplanes, flight attendant, Iberia Airlines, Japan, Mexico, New York, Passengers, Queens, swine flu

AirTran & more photos from the lav

Hi Heather,

My daughter and I flew to LAX last week and we thought you might want some lav pics for your collection. (:

I went ahead and applied with AirTran. I was informed today that Southwest Airlines will not be having any training classes in 2009 so I’m going to try for AirTran. I did tell them that I successfully interviewed with Soutwest Airlines last August however they aren’t having any training in 2009 and I’m ready to move forward with my flight attendant career. I hope it doesn’t hurt me that I told them that. I guess we’ll see. I’ll keep you posted!

Leesa

Dear Leesa,

Thanks for the cool shots. As you know I’ve got quite an interesting collection of photos taken from the lav and it’s growing. I have big plans for these photos, BIG PLANS, and I’m so glad you can be a part of it.

As for AirTran, you made a smart move and I don’t think it hurts to be honest. Airlines love to hire people who are honest, especially when it comes to liquor money. I think if they know another airline hired you, and that it was an airline with a great reputation, it’ll just make them want you more. Good luck and keep in touch!

Heather

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Filed under AirTran, flight attendant, Lavatory, photos, Southwest Airlines

Passenger caught with pants down

Dear Heather,

Is it standard procedure for a flight attendant to force open a toilet occupied by a passenger if the plane is about to land? Under what circumstances has the flight attendant a right to do this?

Thanks,Caught with My Pants Down

Dear Caught with My Pants Down,

I’m so sorry to hear you were caught with your pants down. I’m also sorry that a flight attendant had to see you that way. I’m sure it was embarrassing for both of you. On my flight from New York to Dallas last week I caught two passengers in the same position, but that’s just because they forgot to lock the door, not because I forced the thing open. So please, people, please, I beg you, please do not forget to switch that little sign from vacant to occupied. That way we won’t have to avoid eye contact the rest of the flight.

As for forcing a locked door open, it does not happen often. In fact I’ve only had to do it twice in my career and I’ve been flying for fourteen years. Once, not too long ago, I did it when I heard a young child yelling, “help, help, help!” because she couldn’t figure out how to unlock the lavatory door and another time when, seconds before departure, the passenger who had locked himself inside ignored our pleas to return to his seat.

“Sir, you need to come out! We can not depart until you take your seat!” my coworker cried, banging her fists on the accordion door. No answer. Just silence. Complete silence.

I gave it a try – knock, knock, knock! “Sir, are you okay in there?” Still no response.

“We’re coming in,” my coworker yelled, and two seconds later the door was pushed open. Startled, the man with the needle stuck in his arm jumped, causing it to pop out and blood to spurt all over the floor. The airplane was immediately taken out of service.

Continue reading GALLEY GOSSIP: PASSENGER CAUGHT WITH PANTS DOWN

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Filed under flight attendant, Passenger, turbulence

SAINT LOUIS LAYOVER REPORT

What the hell is going on over there? Yeah, that’s exactly what I wanted to know after I walked up to the first class galley to ask the one in charge if she had any fruit left over from the breakfast service. While I didn’t find the one I was looking for, or the fruit, I did happen to stumble upon THAT…and that, I have to say, kind of scared me. And here you thought flying was glamorous? Think again.

While on the topic of glamour, perhaps you read the FLIGHT ATTENDANT OF THE MONTH interview posted below and saw the bit about my layover in Saint Louis, how the only thing to do there was walk through the cemetery, the one located right next door (thank god I had a view of the runway), shop at the Hustler store across the street (actually, it was really more of a Hustler Super store, and I couldn’t believe how busy it was – on a Sunday – full of normal looking people), or eat at Denny’s (the turkey club with fries still tastes as good as it did when I was in High school). As you should already know, I did two of the three above, and yes, it’s true, this prude actually did make a purchase at Hustler. Even I couldn’t believe it as I walked out of the store, hiding the bag in my purse.

“You’re kidding!” exclaimed the husband over the phone after I told him I had just bought a DVD – a John Holmes DVD. Yeah, baby!

“I’m not kidding!” I said, excited to hear his excitement, but then…I didn’t want him to get TOO excited, so I added, “It’s just a documentary.”

The husband was sorry to find out that the DVD was, just as I’d said, a documentary. And now the husband and I know more than we’ve ever wanted to know about John C. Holmes, thanks to the documentary, WADD, The Life and Times of John Holmes, a DVD I may have to give away. Any takers?

So what exactly was the highlight of my St. Louis airport hotel layover? No, it wasn’t all the crazy stuff I saw at Hustler, though that was fun, and quite enlightening, and if you’re ever there you really should go, just to see for yourself. What I found to be the most exciting part of my trip took place in the shower. Hey, get your mind out of the gutter! That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about a line of bath products from LATHER, a company I had never heard of before this trip. Mint Thyme shampoo and conditioner, Rosemary Verbena body soap, Yuza Bergamot moisturizer, they all went into the suitcase and flew from Saint Louis to Orlando to New York to Los Angeles, where they now sit oh so prettily on my bathroom shelf. The husband has been ordered not to touch. I’m hording what little is left. Why? Because I have never smelled anything so fresh and clean, not since Cady introduced me to Aveda years ago. I have to say, LATHER gives Aveda a run for the money.

Here’s what it says on LATHER’S website: Since LATHER’s inception in 1999, we’ve strived to inspire a healthier, more radiant life. We take a holistic approach to skin care, placing our focus on sourcing natural ingredients and essential oils, drawing upon the benefits of aromatherapy, and never using synthetic fragrances or artificial colors in our products. LATHER does not test any products on animals, nor do we work with labs that conduct animal testing. We are a proud member of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) and are included on their list of compassionate companies that do not test on animals.

Okay, so if you happen to find yourself in Saint Louis, or if you stumble across anything from LATHER in your hotel bathroom, please, for the love of god, grab em up, toss those babies in your suitcase, and send them to me! I’m begging you. Seriously, I can’t get enough of the stuff.

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Filed under flight attendant, Flight attendant Shoes, Hustler, John Holmes, Lather, Layover, Saint Louis, Wadd