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- I only give buddy passes to peope I hate. Then I can gleefully relish when they get stranded in Senegal for 10 days – Bob, the singing pilot
- Wanna know what my flight attendant fantasy is? A 20 hour layover where we can SLEEP & EAT! – Shelby
- Most of my flight attendant fantasies involve crew meals cooked to perfection and not being given cabin maintenance write ups 20 seconds prior to landing! – Bob, the singing pilot
- I have another flight attendant fantasy. Fortunately, my wife is a good woman and indulges me with role playing. Forgive me if this is too personal to share. I have my wife dress up in a polyester uniform which she has worn for the last 3 days, and has gotten drink stains on. Then she locks me in a dark closet at around 5pm with a running vacuum cleaner and a bunch of small TV screens to stare at. After three hours, she serves me a frozen salad, stale nuts, semi-rotten appetizers, a burnt dry piece of chicken, and metallic tasting coffee. When finished with dinner, I call her to let me out so I can use the bathroom. She opens the door 23 minutes later. If I’m lucky, I’ll get 2 more bathroom breaks later. At around 8am, she finally lets me out. Then I clear customs. We hop on a bus for a 45 minute ride. She talks about her cats while enroute. By then, I’m way too tired for sex……..but can’t help shake the feeling that I’ve somehow been screwed! – Bob (again), the singing pilot
As I’m shlepping the beverage cart through the aisle, some knucklehead provokes me to say: “Please do NOT poke the .” You can’t even touch a stripper – what makes you think you can touch a Stewardess? I’m wearing polyester, my work shoes are strictly for comfort and I like to be in bed by whenever possible. Which part of “Never poke the Stewardess” do you not comprehend? – Dennis
- On a DC10 in Chicago, waiting for pushback. F/As call the cockpit; there’s some kind of conflict in coach. Captain’s reading a magazine, I’m the plumber. He says “go back there, boy, and see what the problem is.”In mid cabin, a 40-ish woman is arguing with two F/As who are telling her there’s no more room for hanging bags in the closet (remember those “up and away” hanging closets?) so the bag would have to be checked. I take the garment bag, assure the woman that I will personally get a gate check tag, and put it in the cargo hold myself. I get a tag from the gate counter, go downstairs onto the sub-freezing ramp in shirt sleeves and place the bag in a cargo module about to be loaded. Then I personally take the claim check to her in the main cabin. She just glares at me and says, “You f___cking assh_le.” Without saying a word, I went through First Class, out the L-1 door to the jetbridge, then downstairs AGAIN freezing in shirtsleeves, found her garment bag, ripped the destination tag off, then walked over to an MD80 going I have no idea where and threw her bag into the forward cargo hold. Thawing out on the flight deck, the captain’s still reading his magazine. “Problem solved, boy?” “Yessir. All taken care of.” - Chris
- Upon securing his area. A pax demands a beer. the crew smiles graciously and says “I will be back with your beer Sir”. He then says : “I want it now!” loudly. he replies, “of course sir, I will get it now”. He goes back to the galley. Picks a nice, warm heineken, shakes it, and goes back to the customer with coasters, nuts, and every possible tidbit to make him happy. Seconds later he hears his whole area laughing their heads off. The twat had beer all over his face… Neighbours cracking up next to him telling him to ask politely next time and avoid self-embarrassment. – Anonymous crew at EK